i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize