i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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