do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
