Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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