just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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