just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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