Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
