Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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