She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
