You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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