My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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