i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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