mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
