I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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