people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So much rum. So many feels.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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