she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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