Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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