How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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