please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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