You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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