He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
