He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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