Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
