His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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