On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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