Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Someone shattered a urinal.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
