Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
