never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
