I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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