The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
