I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
