He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
