Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
