My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
