he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
