i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
