Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
