Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
