this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
