So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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