she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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