I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
