The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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