A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
