Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oh god it's open bar.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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