I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
