I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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