She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
