Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
