Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
