Porn is love you can see.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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