My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
