there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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