After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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