if you like me you must not know who I am
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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