I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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