The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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