I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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