and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
