Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
