Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Will exercising make me less horny?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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