no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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