GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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