I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize