what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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