You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
