Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Watching her eat just hurts me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
