you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm at about main and main street
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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