If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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