two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
