omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
