I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
