Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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